HW 59 - SOF Prom 2011 & DSPs

I did not attend the actual prom but I was at the after prom Thursday night (or this morning). When I went with Eloise and we both had trouble getting to the location but we eventually made our way there. When we arrived, the party hadn't started yet because a lot of other people hadn't shown up so, we decided to wait outside because it was so nice out. Friend groups started to accumulate as more and more people started to arrive. Once it was around 2am the party started to head back inside.

HW 58 - Prom Interviews

 Experience (M.R., FEMALE, 19)- When I initially asked her about her prom experience she instantly replied horrible. This was surprisingly a story I haven't heard from her although we are very close. She had dropped out of high school so for prom to even be an option for her, she needed to be asked. She was asked by a guy she hooked up with once at a party and actually liked the possibility of going with him but she was going out with her girlfriend of the time and had been set on going with her. Unfortunately, a week before prom began, her girlfriend broke up with her. She found another date in time though and went to what would be her senior prom if she had still attended the school. She (drunkenly) made out with someone else in the limo ride there and when she arrived to the prom her ex-girlfriend had already found out about it which only stirred up more drama between them. She knew everyone there but she felt out of place because she no longer attended this school. She caught up with old friends and tried to reconnect with her ex-boyfriend there but he was not interested in doing so. Her date was pretty much left ignored although she assured me he didn't mind. Lastly, at the after party, her ex-girlfriend threw he a curve ball by walking up to her and kissing her then walking away multiple times. They ended up dancing together and trying to talk things out but her ex's friends eventually pulled her away.

It seems like her experience was filled with confusion and mistakes which is something I think is almost necessary in a right of passage. This is an experience she definitely learned from because she had so much to deal with at once. This prom experience seems so far from the basic prom outline I've been feed in movies. It made me question what she expected from this experience. All that she expected was good music and dancing and she said she was disappointed with the actual outcome. I asked her what she thought the importance of prom was. "Well on [the Wendy Williams Show] someone said that it's like the first red carpet of your life" she quoted something she had recently heard on her favorite talk show.  I found this funny because it directly related to the discussion we had in class. She had a different take on this question though; she felt that it was a way to celebrate the torture of high school before going through the torture of college. After recently dropping out of college and also dropping out of high school, I knew that this was her actual honest opinion. I wish I had asked her how the experience is meant to celebrate (or make up for) high school trauma, but the question hadn't come to me until now.

PRE-PROM INTERVIEW (C.H, FEMALE, 17)-

I started off the interview by asking her what her expectations of prom are and she said that it was mostly based on what her parents prom experience was like.  She expected to get an attractive date whom her parents approved of and to have a "fun, memorable, exciting  and, enjoyable" night. She says that she would "plan every detail to a science" when it came for preparing for prom. Dress style, dress color, shoe style, hair, nails accessories would all be organized by the time the date comes. The goal of this is to make her prom as perfect as possible. She says she would choose a date carefully because it would be featured in the yearbook. Prom is apparently a huge tradition in her family so it is important to all of them how her prom experience.


PROM EXPERT (S.R, FEMALE, 39)-


As soon as the topic of prom was brought up, my mother instantly replied "it's fun you definitely should go!". It's safe to call my mother a prom expert because she went every year since her sophomore year of high school.  She said that her first time going was the most special. She went with her senior boyfriend, wore a home-made dress my grandmother made with her high school colors. She also said that at the time, it was a big deal for a sophomore to go to prom. She didn't really remember her second prom to much but she went with a guy from another school. The third time she went alone to her senior prom but she thought it was important to go to her last prom. When I asked her why she believed prom was important she said that it was a right of passage and the "first opportunity to dress up and be fancy."


I found it funny how my mother considered this a right of passage and the first opportunity to dress up and go out because it directly correlated to the discussions we've had in class. I thought it was interesting how my mother pointed out that the first time she went was the most special. According to her description, the first time she went had more of the fairy tale affect, but I wonder if the significance of the night also came from it being her first experience with prom. Most people don't go to prom 3 times, and in our school prom is a one time event. But maybe going once is enough and all proms after that just get less significant. Another thing I found interesting was how much my mother fixated on what she wore. It seemed to be the only aspect of all three proms she remembered.

HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

When the prom script was broken down in class today, it became clear that prom is a ritual that comes with a subconscious outline. Every prom experience I've seen on television or movies all stay true to the same chain of events no matter how individual they try to make it. It makes me wonder why we choose to accept this blueprint as the way of having a successful prom. It's like a game where life points are earned each step you get right. And if this outline is performed right then we have successfully lived on the ritual and we can move on with our lives more fulfilled and experienced. It seems like the prom's goal is trying to cram a bunch of adult experiences (at least the good ones) into one night so we have a taste of what we are getting ourselves into.

One thing I've always found questionable about prom is the announcement of prom King and Queen. I'm not completely against the idea, I just think its strange that on the night where everyone is supposed to feel special, the aspects of high school still prevail and the popular or most liked win. The idea of voting on one person to represent or rule the night of equality and togetherness makes no sense to me.  I wonder if SOF does this at our proms because I've never heard of anyone being prom king or queen, but I also didn't know the higher grades that well to know what was going on with their proms. I hope not though because our school is so small that the "winners" would be so predictable and it would give everyone less chance to prove themselves worthy of the role (as I typed out the last few words of that sentence I began to cringe because I realized I was taking a dumb role so seriously.)

Further Questions:
- Do they have proms anywhere else other than America?
- What importance does it have on our culture?
-What are some examples of alternative proms?
- What are the key components of a successful prom experience?
- How do we ensure that everyone feels good at prom? What do teachers and volunteer organizers do to make this happen?

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Comments Given:

Jay- I believe that it was smart of you to include an opposing view of home funerals because so far a lot of the information we've received has been for it. It makes sense that home births make certain people uncomfortable because that the memory is alive in your own home which you walk into daily. I also thought asking about people's lack of information on the topic was important. Her answer was honest and accurate but it was never explained why people "don't want to know" and I think that would have been a nice follow up question for you to ask.

Steven- One of the most insightful points I believe you brought up was, "... but nowadys its the exact opposite people cant imagine dealing with thier decesed." It made me realize that I had never personally thought of handling any of my dead loved ones bodies personally, even throughout the course of this unit. So I wanted to ask you if this is something that you've consciously or unconsciously envisioned yourself? The information you provided was very helpful in terms of determining what exactly is the best fit option for your personal budget. The only thing critical that I have to point out is your spelling and grammar. Otherwise, great job.

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Comments received:
Brianna(protege)- I thought the line "When we see that other people have passed away, it reminds us that our bodies could ultimately fail us no matter how much it tries to resist death" was very interesting and thought provoking. I began to actually think of different ways that our bodies resist death. The story was very interesting and stuck in my head after i finished the post. 

Sophia- I thought this post was beautifully written, especially the last paragraph. Your writing was very descriptive, and I could visualize the woman swerving over in her car. I agree that people are in denial over the fact that they will die someday, but when they realize they will, they feel ashamed.

Marcus( mentor)- I found it interesting when you said that your "belief is that our fear of death originates from the human instinct of our bodies resisting death as much as possible". I totally agree and also believe that we are programed to want to multiply and give life instead. It only becomes more ominous when we realize the unknown (death) is inevitable. Self preservation is fundamental and inherent in all living things. The fear of death and fear itself is a part of this mechanism. Which made me wonder why anyone would not be afraid of death? And what could we possibly do to surround ourselves more with death?

xc-COTD5

 Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot, 3 June 2001
Ball, Alan, Michael Cuesta, Joshua Marston, Jeremy Podeswa, Alan Poul, Adam Davidson, Mary Harrom, Matt Shakman, Daniel Attais, Rodrigo Garcia, and Dan Minahan. "Pilot." Six Feet Under. HBO. 3 June 2001. Television.
- A family in the funeral business is forced to face their dysfunctions when their husband and father dies. They have to handle this death in a professional matter all while handling their own individual grief. The common death care practices and rituals are questioned in this show and also by particular characters.  A representation of their father follows all of them around and interacts with them; this aspect touches on the possibility of staying connected to the earth in the afterlife.

Season 1, Episode 2: The Will,10 June 2001

Ball, Alan, Michael Cuesta, Joshua Marston, Jeremy Podeswa, Alan Poul, Adam Davidson, Mary Harrom, Matt Shakman, Daniel Attais, Rodrigo Garcia, and Dan Minahan. "The Will." Six Feet Under. HBO. 10 June 2001. Television.
- While still dealing with their grievances, the family is deciding what to do with their futures and the future of their funeral business. This stress is putting a strain on their relationships between loved ones and each other. They are offered to be bought out by a national cooperate funeral chain which represents how the funeral business is becoming more industrialized. Whether or not they agree to this deal, the cooperates plan to run them out of business which is always the case in highly industrialized fields.

Season 1, Episode 3: The Foot, 17 June 2001
Ball, Alan, Michael Cuesta, Joshua Marston, Jeremy Podeswa, Alan Poul, Adam Davidson, Mary Harrom, Matt Shakman, Daniel Attais, Rodrigo Garcia, and Dan Minahan. "The Foot." Six Feet Under. HBO. 17 June 2001. Television.
 - Although Nate had spent his entire life trying to run away from the family funeral business, he realizes that it is his purpose in life and that he not willing to sell it. David on the other hand has spent his life working at the funeral home and is open to the new opportunities selling the business would offer. This episode shows that the death industry views the funeral business a pure steady profit. They cannot offer the same amount of empathy for the dead and the grieving.

Being born into the funeral business seems to be a common occurrence in this industry and often funeral homes a partially family legacies. The reason this show is so interesting is because it gives a relatable perspective of the families who are born into this business. Majority of the remaining family members are for selling their family business, which I think is because the more our culture separates us from the dead the more appealing it must be for them to do the same. But what puts them at odds is the symbolic family meaning behind it. It makes me question how many people in the death care field who were born into it actually want to stay in it?

This show also analyzes the cooperate take over in this "industry". The potential buyer of this family's funeral home is interpreted as a sleazy businessman counting up the dead like dollar bills. The show is definitely trying to vilify this growing industry of funeral chains. Although family businesses are still businesses, they show more concern for the family of the deceived than any cooperate worker will. What is scary about this portrayal is that the death care industry is growing in our country without any of our knowledge because we would rather not focus on the dead. I wonder how accurate the depiction of the death care industry representative is?

XC-COTD1

Eloise and I went upstate for the weekend together and visited two grave sites. Prier to, we were exciting ourselves with possibility of paranormal activities and ghost sightings. All the while, we watched clips from intense and creepy movies such as the Omen 2, Reservoir Dogs, and lastly Monster with Charlize Theron. During the scene where she prostitutes herself and kills the man who picks her up, Eloise, our friend Evan, and I realize it is time for us to head out to the cemetery.

In Roxbury, New York, the streets are very empty and desolate, which is obviously unlike what I'm used to. But it is more than quiet in this town; it is an old and very small community that seemed abandoned. It looks as if it were the perfect place to film a scary movie, which is something I had commented on a year earlier on my first visit to Eloise's upstate house. The first cemetery we went to had been established almost three hundred years ago, which was a fact that creeped us out the most.  It was a strange thought that we might encounter spirits who have been in this country since its erection.

We pulled up to the cemetery on the opposite side of the road. It was fenced in by a short stone wall and it was right next to an abandoned church. As we entered, I started to experience a fidgety energy. I had left my coat in the car so the cold air gave me a chill that only added to my paranoia. I wanted to turn on my flash light but Eloise and Evan thought it would be better to let our eyes adjust. Below is a video of us observing a gravestone in detail for the first time:  

We were shocked at how withered the grave stones were but they were clearly very old. We looked at more of them with our flashlights and then we all heard a noise. It was a car coming down the road and Evan and Eloise both ducked quickly behind headstones. I on the other hand, was not so quick and just dropped on the floor. We didn't want anyone to call the police and report us for defacing graves or performing strange satanic acts.  I wandered around for a bit and saw myself being more attracted to bigger gravestones. The larger headstones were made of nicer stone and the names, dates, and designs carved into them were still clear and apparent. One head stone had its own platform and gate. The people who purchased these were clearly rich and clearly wanted their head stones to be the most noticeable, and it worked.

As we went deeper in, I began to hear music and talking and laughing. I thought it was strange because it was midnight in a cemetery in a normally quiet town. I hadn't heard the music or the people until I reached a certain part of the cemetery either so I was a little shaken. When I asked Eloise about it she informed me that it was just a trailer park that was right below the cemetery between the forest. Hearing laughter and music and communication from the other side of the forest while we were in an empty cemetery standing above dead people was a cruel contradiction.

Eloise and I wandered around for a little while longer, asking each other questions.  Eloise discovered a fallen headstone and we began to realize that there were a lot of head stones that had fallen over and most of them had sunken into the ground over time. When we fell into silence, I began to hum a 50s medley I was learning for the school's chorus to overpower it. Then Eloise pointed out that Evan was missing. She thought she saw him behind a headstone but I couldn't see exactly what headstone she was pointing out. I looked around aimlessly and saw a headstone on the other side of the graveyard that looked like he was hiding behind. He was wearing all black so he appeared as a shadow in the dark. As we stood there for five minutes discussing where he could be, I suggested that we might as well keep moving because we were just worrying ourselves more by sitting there wondering. We took four steps forward and Evan pops up behind a headstone bringing us to shrieks. We finally got the scare we were anticipating. Afterword we all started laughing because we were worried he was going to do just that yet as soon as we let it go, it actually happened. It was also funny because he definitely heard us talking as well.

After our good scare, we decided we had been in this cemetery for long enough and started to head toward the next one. We retrieved to the dark and eerie road. This next grave site was up at the peak of the mountain so we gradually raised up until we passed it. Once we approached the grave site, we drove into a pit of fog that was only in this one area. "Woah" was Evan's initial reaction. I had seen the fog rising from random points on the mountain from down below and I guess we were currently in one of those spots. We walked through these closed gates made of open square frames. As my eyes adjusted I saw picnic tables and a triangular board with information written all over it.  Did we go to the wrong location?!! Evan and Eloise wandered around the place for a while wondering were the cemetery could be. I was kind of distracted reading the facts about the man this memorial was for, John Borroughs.



I turned my flashlight back on so I could see the path I was following. It seemed like the longest path I could I've ever taken when because I was not completely sure of my destination. As I approached the grave site, I see Evan taking pictures and Eloise trying to hop onto this huge bolder that had a few words carved in it in his Burroughs' honor. "It's just a one man show tonight." said Eloise. I looked over at the grave and it was a square boarder made from stone. The vegetation inside the grave was different from what was outside of it.

Once I adjusted to my surroundings all my paranoia faded away and I realized I was in a pretty peaceful area. I put my back against this bolder and examined the view. It overlooked his grave, then the forest deep in the valleys then the mountains. The distance was clear enough to see but there was a light fog in the air that made everything blend together. It was actually quiet amazing; his grave was somewhat the centerpiece of the image ahead. I tried to get a picture but unfortunately without the flash everything was pitch dark and with the flash you could only see what is close ahead. It was still nice to enjoy my surroundings in the moment though. I think that having read information about what this man stood for added to my comfort by his grave because his values weren't so far away from mine. I closed my eyes and rested with him for a bit.

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

This unit exposed me to the extent we try to separate ourselves from the dead in our current society. It made me question where this general fear of the dead had stemmed from because it isn’t necessarily the healthiest way to approach death. My belief is that our fear of death originates from the human instinct of our bodies resisting death as much as possible.  For example, if I hold my breath for long enough my body will eventually force me to inhale. When we see that other people have passed away, it reminds us that our bodies could ultimately fail us no matter how much it tries to resist death.

A crow approaches a woman's car while she was driving down the highway. Completely shocked by the crow she swerves to the side of the road and gets out of the car. The crow then begins to pick at her face and grab at her scalp. She ends up laid out on the side of the road with her face greatly disfigured and bloody and the crow flies away. A huge truck starts to drive down the highway and the woman builds up her strength to walk right in front of it. This is a scene from a film I watched over the weekend that sparked my current theory. I wondered what possessed this woman to go against the human instinct and commit suicide. I also wondered how that added to the fearful aspect of the movie. 

The conscious desire to stay alive is derived from the human and animal instinct. Even when it is a conscious decision to harm oneself, the body physically does what it can to resist ones actions. To overcome that the conscious desire must be strong enough to overpower the urge to stay alive. I gave an example of how the body does this in the first paragraph. There are many other intuitions the human body has been built up to avoid death such as a question of taste, fear itself, etc. 

The desire to stay alive is institutionalized in us from the moment we can breathe.  Surrounding ourselves with death is a conscious reminder that our bodies cannot always fulfil this desire. The more we separate ourselves from death and support a current system that handles death in a similar way plumbing handles excrement, the higher the belief that we above death raises. So, when we are finally faced with it we feel extremely weak and ashamed by our grievances.

HW 53 - Independent Research A

Into the Great Green Beyond by John Collins Rudolf

Précis: The market of environmentally conscious consumers has risen dramatically in the last decade and the option to die in a "green" way has just been presented. Because this is such a new option, many people who would be interested in the idea of an eco-friendly funeral do not know it is a possibility. Traditional funerals include non-biodegradable caskets containing embalmed bodies filled with toxic chemicals. This means that this commonly used style of funeral leaves a huge impact on the Earth. Alternatives such as biodegradable urns and caskets made of renewable sources are becoming appraised. These choices are still very rare in America though, so if you were interested in them you would have to plan ahead of time.

Analysis: This relates to the last third of my book "Curtains" by Tom Jokinen where he acknowledges the few places that do offer eco-friendly funeral options in this country. I believe that the objective of this article is just to raise awareness about this topic to attract this specific market. I consider this a positive move because people should be aware of their options before making a choice, especially if the options they are unaware about match their values the most. I wonder if this article will cause the topic to be more discussed in mainstream media and create a more public discourse about the topic.

I wonder if changing these aspects of a "traditional" funeral also changes the emotional and spiritual aspects of the ceremony. Choices are obviously made based on your own principles, but I wonder if eco-friendly burials add or take away any feelings that would occur in a commonly practiced burial. It may seem more ideal for one person to degrade and become one with nature while another person favors the idea of permanently staying on this earth. What does it say about American culture if the majority of us gets buried in steel caskets, get embalmed and have concrete support in burial our plots? Do we strive for permanence?

Citation: Rudolf, John C. "Into the Great Green Beyond." Nytimes.com. New York Times, 30 June 2010. Web. 09 May 2011. <http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/30/into-the-big-green-beyond/?scp=5&sq=embalming&st=cse>.

Thinking Outside The Urn by Roxana Popescu

Précis: Turning your loved ones ashes into artwork is a new trend where a teaspoon of ashes can transform into paintings, sculptures, jewelry, etc. It is a great way to express the spirit of the person through art that conveys specific emotions. Cremation is rising as a more popular funeral option, but not everyone wants their loved ones displayed in a classic urn. People want more personalized ways to hold their loved ones ashes, thus came this amazing alternative.

Analysis: This article grasped my interest because it was a topic that I've recently been considering. The article referenced a link to the "Art in Ashes" website which displayed all their artistic option for possessing ashes. I personally thought they had very beautiful options but it disappointed me that they were not customizable. I'd rather design/ create my own art-urn or have a loved one the same than be carried in eternity in something that doesn't project my essence. Are there more services where that option is available? How many people are aware of this option in America?

Citation: Popescu, Roxana. "Keepsakes From Loved Ones Ashes - Newsweek." Newsweek - National News, World News, Business, Health, Technology, Entertainment, and More - Newsweek. The Newsweek/Daily Beast Company LLC, 03 Nov. 2007. Web. 10 May 2011. <http://www.newsweek.com/2007/11/03/thinking-outside-the-urn.html>.

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Interview Précis (in the view of the undertaker):  This line of work is something I was born into. My Grandfather owned this place, then my father inherited it, and so did I. I know all of the common practices by observing my father; I was also interested in biology growing up and part of my job is being a scientist. Overall, the most important skill in my job is comforting the living, "the dead are in God's hands." I like the fact that my job offers a steady supply of costumers but I dislike all of the prejudice I receive. "Necrophiliacs or unduly morbid folks are rare in this profession." And we are not swindlers either. I separate my private life and my line of business, though sometimes I feel disappointed when handling suicides. It's a shame to see how many people don't value their lives. Funerals should cost as much as a wedding does because they are somewhat similar events. People expect funerals to cost around a months pay, but when all the costs are factored in, the average price is closer to a years pay. When I was younger I thought this was a huge waste of money but now I see how it helps others appreciate their loved ones.

Analysis:  When he first said that his least favorite part of his job was the judgments people made about him because of it, I thought that was very self-ish of him. Learning in class about how funeral homes are profiting off of people's grief and guilt, I thought it was strange that he was talking about how much he gets judged. After I asked him to clarify on what prejudice he receives made his point all the more valid. I have actually heard of those same rumors and generalizations from various sources like TV shows, and even in normal conversation. I believe this has more to do with people's prejudice against the dead than it does actual morticians. People just can't grasp anyone who chooses to be around dead people for a living. It is more comforting for the majority to keep life and death separate.

HW 52 - Third Third of the COTD Book

Precis: At Neil's funeral home, drama started to brew between everyone out of concern for their positions. The death rate has been lower than it had in the past ten yrs and it isn't expected to rise again for another 5-10 yrs where the baby boomer generation is expected to die off. So for a business that is meant to be rescission proof, business is pretty bad and income is low. Shannon was threatening to leave to accept a higher paying job that shes been offered and Erik and Richard have been arguing over who deserves to take over the funeral home. While this all happens, Shannon's uncle dies; and as we all attend her funeral it reminds us that we are all somewhat family. Afterword I tell Neil that I'm going to California and Nevada for a while to check out these highly publicized alternative funeral options such as eco-friendly burials and dead artwork.


Quotes:

"Soon enough, as if he wants to keep his hand in the game, Death throws us a gift to occupy our time, but it's wrapped in sad irony."(200)

"People spend more on pet services than they do for themselves. They love their pets without ambivalence." (204)

This whole section of the book refers to the traditional aspect of the funeral business and how although there are many new alternatives for death care arising, certain traditions still hold true. There were many intriguing alternatives to death care described that sparked my consideration, such as being turned into a piece of artwork or eco-friendly cremation. These alternatives have been coming up left and right but they are not as accessible as the traditional options. I question whether it will take a shift of public interest for the alternatives to become more popular or if the alternatives need to become more available for that to happen. What will need to happen first?

HW 51 - Second Third of COTD Book

Precis: Now that I have been training as an undertaker for a while, I feel less uncomfortable around dead bodies as I used to. I've done so many embalmings that after a certain point I stopped seeing it as cutting up and filling a helpless human being with chemicals, and started seeing it as a job. It important to disconnect from the bodies and the families you work with, or you are at risk of getting too personal. The idea of handling grief is much worse than the thought of handling a dead body in my opinion. At Neil's crematorium, I had my first experience cremating an overweight man. He was a good 500 lbs and he lit up so much that he made light show. Cremation has become more and more popular in the last two decades, especially because of the prices are lower than traditional burial services. Neil's prices are particularly higher than other crematoriums but he offers transparency which makes him more reliable than other cremators. Most cremators treat their crematoriums like business and to them it doesn't matter whether a costumer gets the wrong ashes if they get paid. Also, costumer's don't usually end up paying the sticker price. These are all risks that people take when going to just any crematorium.

Quotes:
"Grief scares me more than death; it may be as simple, and as complicated as that." (106)
"Funeral service and the rituals we choreograph are meant to tamp down the wild, reality, and it's like watching a glass vase fall and hit the floor." (108)

One aspect of this book that I found particularly humorous is how closely related undertaking and performing are. The fact that they have to convey empathetic emotions they don't necessarily feel and continue going when they make mistakes directly reminded me of the skills you have to possess to be a good performer.