Precis:
I am an undertaker-in-training attempting to discover why we handle death the way we do in our current society, and how we handle the bodies that remain. I figured that the best way to learn about these things is through personal experience, although I have to admit, I can barely handle myself on top of any of the deceased that cross my path. A theory I've developed for why the majority of people tend to avoid the subject of death and the care of the dead rather than exploring it is because in our society we human beings have managed to conquer nature but the two aspects of our lives that remind us that we're human are: sex and death. Therefore these two major aspects of our lives have been tabooed; and death was best left to be handled by the experts. There are a wide variety of ways to deal with dead bodies, some cheaper than others, some more more extensive than others, but what you are your deceased loved one chooses to undergo completely depends on your, or their, values. I've had to sit through crematings, which are very short and simple, and if also had to prepare for open caskets, which is no where close to short or simple. I've assisted the funeral-home's embalmer make (and pump chemicals into) this recently deceased men and women to make them look almost lively enough for his family to recognize them before they were buried into the ground. See, this is the life I traded in over my old job as radio producer at CBC, but I'm glad that I had because uncovering this gap between death and burial time was important to me.
Quotes:
"Death wasn't something to fear, it was something to aspire to, after the troubling business that came before it, of which there was little need to speak."(26)
"In death you're a cold, physical problem that must be dealt with."(26)
"Bake, shake, be done with it." (32)
"The embalmed corpse is an in-between: both a person and an object to fear." (57)
"fuzzy noble notions made fuzzier by repetition." (76)
I believe that Jokinen's theory about why death and sex are tabooed in today's world makes a lot of sense and is very interesting. It explains why many people don't educate themselves or others about "the gap" because they would rather keep death a bigger mystery than it already is. While reading him describe actually handling and touching dead bodies, I imagined myself in the same position and I have to admit that I felt a little uneasy from it. Not that death disgusts me, but it just seems that painting, cutting open, dying, pumping chemicals into a cold human being with who has no control over what you do to them seems messed up. I know this is all for the sake of families, but it just seems to me that after a person dies the right thing to do from then on is to leave them alone (unless they requested otherwise). One thing that was brought up in the book about caskets and burials that really made me question was that a lot of these caskets are built so the last as long as possible underground. I always thought that the whole point of being buried is to become one with the earth again, not to take up space in it. I wonder if they make caskets that will eventually decay into the earth in a way that isn't harmful to it.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
HW 49 - Comments on Best of Your Break HW
Comments Given:
Sophia S. :
In response to your interview with your aunt "M", I thought it was very smart of you to connect us separating ourselves from the dead or the dying "because that would involve facing the fact that it's going to happen". This relates to a similar point the author of my book, Tom Jokinen, made about humans making the topic of death and the dead a taboo in general because it is an aspect of nature we can't control. I believe that your aunt had a good point about dying at home being a better environment for the one who is dying. One thing you can explore is how dying at home effects everyone else in the family. Another thing you could explore that you mentioned in this post is how formal funerals are more suppressed and why or why not this may be true.
Chris R. :
I like your honest approach to what you do and don't know. Somethings you can think about to go past your initial thoughts are what goes behind organizing a funeral and why are they organized the way they are? Considering every way a body is handled after it is dead as "care for the dead" is a good mindset to have because there are intentions for everything we choose to do and the body is involved in every situation. I think it was very important when you stated:"thinking about someone who has died makes you wonder about your own death." because it seems to be the general reaction of everyone. I wonder why that is usually the initial reaction after someone has died rather than thinking about the person as a whole.
Comments Recieved:
Sophia S. :
In response to your interview with your aunt "M", I thought it was very smart of you to connect us separating ourselves from the dead or the dying "because that would involve facing the fact that it's going to happen". This relates to a similar point the author of my book, Tom Jokinen, made about humans making the topic of death and the dead a taboo in general because it is an aspect of nature we can't control. I believe that your aunt had a good point about dying at home being a better environment for the one who is dying. One thing you can explore is how dying at home effects everyone else in the family. Another thing you could explore that you mentioned in this post is how formal funerals are more suppressed and why or why not this may be true.
Chris R. :
I like your honest approach to what you do and don't know. Somethings you can think about to go past your initial thoughts are what goes behind organizing a funeral and why are they organized the way they are? Considering every way a body is handled after it is dead as "care for the dead" is a good mindset to have because there are intentions for everything we choose to do and the body is involved in every situation. I think it was very important when you stated:"thinking about someone who has died makes you wonder about your own death." because it seems to be the general reaction of everyone. I wonder why that is usually the initial reaction after someone has died rather than thinking about the person as a whole.
Comments Recieved:
i think this is the most personal and in depth of all your posts. you reminded me that people tend to avoid the subject of death which can have some negative repercussions. you will be much more prepared when the inevitable happens, if you come to terms and deal with the subject of death. you will also probably have a better relationship with your loved one knowing that your time with them wont last forever. as you said "having built up emotions and guilt with no resolution can definitely cause emotional distress". thinking about death will most likely allow you to connect with your loved one and try to resolve whatever issues you may have before they die. it also allows you to prepare for respectful final ceremony for your loved one. it cant be easy to arrange a funeral for someone if you aren't quite sure of how they would like to be remembered.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead
Interview with my Grandfather: Over the course of his life he has attended many different funerals that vary from formal to informal. Perhaps the deaths that he held closest to him were the deaths of his parents. His father was a marine in WW2 and was given a veteran burial plot because of it. Both him and his wife were buried in the same place, which is something my grandfather finds sweet because he has the opportunity to visit them both together. They were both Jewish, so their funerals were very formal and religious. They had the Kaddish read allowed at their funerals which is a Jewish prayer for the dead. My grandfather does not have any preference of funeral service and no religious influence on them. He believes that over all, "a funeral is an opportunity to pay your respects regardless of your religion". When I asked him how he would prefer to be "taken care of" after he passed away, he told me that he had no solid plan and that that would be a decision made based on whatever is best for his surviving loved ones.
My grandfather made it clear that all the ceremonys that he has attended have been respectful no matter how formal or informal. That seemed to be all that was important to him when it came to funeral services. I agree that religion doesn't really matter when it comes to respecting an individual life (in most cases) because it is important to seperate the values of an intierer reliogion from a specific person. Especially when it comes to ceremonies in America because there is a huge veriety of people don't necessarily agree on religious stances but live harmoniously regardless and still appreciate one another.
Interview with my Grandmother:
My grandmother has had to deal with the death of her parents as well, but she had an experience fairly different from my grandfather. Her mother had died when she was 11 and she died at home while she was there. My grandmother said that this was actually a good experience for her because she was able to feel resolved with her mother dying. This is also partially why she believes it is so important to die at home rather than in a hospital because being surrounded by loved ones in the comfort of your own home also affects how your family comes to terms with your death.She then began to bring up a very interesting point that part of the reason why funerals are so emotional is because people don't always have closure with the person dead. She feels that this makes funerals "for the living, not the dead".
Having built up emotions and guilt with no resolution can definitely cause emotional distress, and not being able to ever know how the deceased feels adds to the grief of the mysterious aspect of death.If your connection to whomever is deceased is weak (or has been weakened) it is very easy to begin to focus on yourself and how you feel about the situation, which isn't necessarily a selfish. It is only human to feel unbalanced when you are handling unresolved hardships, but this reminds me how important it is to always express how I truely feel to people and always look for closure in different circumstances.
My grandfather made it clear that all the ceremonys that he has attended have been respectful no matter how formal or informal. That seemed to be all that was important to him when it came to funeral services. I agree that religion doesn't really matter when it comes to respecting an individual life (in most cases) because it is important to seperate the values of an intierer reliogion from a specific person. Especially when it comes to ceremonies in America because there is a huge veriety of people don't necessarily agree on religious stances but live harmoniously regardless and still appreciate one another.
Interview with my Grandmother:
My grandmother has had to deal with the death of her parents as well, but she had an experience fairly different from my grandfather. Her mother had died when she was 11 and she died at home while she was there. My grandmother said that this was actually a good experience for her because she was able to feel resolved with her mother dying. This is also partially why she believes it is so important to die at home rather than in a hospital because being surrounded by loved ones in the comfort of your own home also affects how your family comes to terms with your death.She then began to bring up a very interesting point that part of the reason why funerals are so emotional is because people don't always have closure with the person dead. She feels that this makes funerals "for the living, not the dead".
Having built up emotions and guilt with no resolution can definitely cause emotional distress, and not being able to ever know how the deceased feels adds to the grief of the mysterious aspect of death.If your connection to whomever is deceased is weak (or has been weakened) it is very easy to begin to focus on yourself and how you feel about the situation, which isn't necessarily a selfish. It is only human to feel unbalanced when you are handling unresolved hardships, but this reminds me how important it is to always express how I truely feel to people and always look for closure in different circumstances.
Monday, April 18, 2011
HW 46 - Initial Thoughts on the Care of the Dead
In class we had a discussion where someone briefly brought up how the dead is often highly respected, no matter how nasty they were when they were alive. I started to think about this and I believe that this is the case because death is something that none of us have experienced. In life, generally speaking, the choices we make are when mold us and if someone disagrees with another person's choices (i.e would have handled a situation differently) they are somewhat entitled not to like them for it because their experiences and perspective. But in terms of dying, none of us have a clear picture of what a dead man or woman is (or isn't) going through. They are also no longer able to defend themselves so it feels extremely cruel to attack someone or dislike them in their weakest state.
I believe this relates to how good the care of the dead is because we ultimately respect the dead almost more than the living. When someone dies, the living then becomes accountable for their body. Because the dead person isn't alive to oversee how well you take care of them, it seems like we would care less. But I believe that religion is also a factor in this case because the death and afterlife are unknown and religion is the answer/ explanation to the unknown. So, someone dying is a reminder that there might actually be something beyond earth and that someone/something might actually be looking down on us. Also, good care taking of the dead is reassuring for all of us who will eventually die and will hopefully be taken good care of as well.
I believe this relates to how good the care of the dead is because we ultimately respect the dead almost more than the living. When someone dies, the living then becomes accountable for their body. Because the dead person isn't alive to oversee how well you take care of them, it seems like we would care less. But I believe that religion is also a factor in this case because the death and afterlife are unknown and religion is the answer/ explanation to the unknown. So, someone dying is a reminder that there might actually be something beyond earth and that someone/something might actually be looking down on us. Also, good care taking of the dead is reassuring for all of us who will eventually die and will hopefully be taken good care of as well.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
HW 45 - Reply to Other Peoples' Comments
Based on the information I received during this unit, I did have a clear idea of what I thought to be the best policy to give birth would be. I choose to make my bias very clear, especially when it came to convincing my mother of it, because she is someone I truly care about and want the best for. I know that it was very confusing that parts 2-4 were missing, but that was due to technical difficulties and out of concern of time. I attempted to summarize the rest of my discussion with my mother, but of course it will never be as clear as the real thing. I see that a lot of you respond well to video presentations so maybe for future projects I will attempt to do one again (just one that is not as lengthy and more concise)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
HW 44 - Comments on Other People's Projects
Comments received:
Christopher R.- The main idea of your post seemed to be finding out what a woman with kids thought about birth. But at the same time you introduced it as a decision of whether or not your mother should have another kid. The only thing that is confusing about this is you say your mom knows a lot of information so I find it confusing how you would go about informing her more. Maybe I'm just lost. Also I'm confused about parts 2-4. But anyway I think all these projects are useful pieces of information but at the same time I like that you mother was more informed about birth then "common people". For whatever reason I thought people who gave birth wouldn't know as much as I did but 9 months of thinking gives more information then a month of what we did. I think this project matters because the video was actually very entertaining. Most birth stories are, they are rarely talked about and usually great stories.
Christopher M.- I really likes your project because it was different from the rest of the students in the class. You were planning out a procedure to follow so when your mother decided to have another kid everything would be natural and the best for your mother.
I really valued your overall goal that you wanted to achieve in your project because you were applying what you learned from class,the movie, and the book to help out someone out in your family that you care for.
The reason your project mattered to me was because it was different the fact that you had a video that people could watch to see the work that you did for your project.
Brianna M. (protege) - I liked the fact that you pushed birthing centers as apposed to hospitals. Hearing it argued in favor of birthing centers helped open my eyes to the other side of the argument. I also liked the video aspect of the entry. I think you could have made it more clear what influence the stories from the book had on your opinion.
Sophia S.- You interviewed your mother about your birth, and then gave her information about birth that we learned in class. I liked that you acknowledged that you had a biased opinion going into the project - people don't always realize or admit to this. You project matters because you brought up the idea of birthing centers, which hasn't really been discussed. The only advice I would give is to make it more clear what the intention of the project is.
Marcus B.(mentor)- I thought your post was great. I like the fact that you did so much research on different methods of childbirth. However, I have to agree with your mother, when it comes to going through the birthing process, experience does help with narrowing down the options. Although one might do sufficient research, you probably won't know what works for you until (at least) the second time around.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Comments Given:
Rossi C. - I believe the most effective way to learn is through experiences so it was smart of you to go out of your way and converse with these nurses for a real honest outlook on this medical system. The voices of the nurses are very un-sung so it was nice to see their perspective. Based on these answers it seems that a nurse's main objective is to be protective; either of the women and newborns, the doctors, or the hospitals. These nurses seemed to be very informed about their area of interest and are definitely aware of what goes on behind the scenes. I'm glad that they are there and hopefully they keep the obstetricians they work with very grounded.
Brandon Z.- I'd like to thank you for doing a project about this particular aspect of birth because I believe I've received the least amount of information about it in this unit. I understand that every woman's experience is different (so these mother's pregnancy effects will most likely be to mine sometime in the future) but it is always beneficial to get as much insight as I can about the topic.
These three women all seemed to share similar experiences (so I'd have some idea what to expect). But, the most interesting commonality between these answers by far is how all three of these women felt like the experience of pregnancy was beautiful and worth it. They considered it a pivotal moment in their lives and it is nice to know that no matter how much you struggle or suffer during your pregnancy, having a healthy child makes up for it all.
Kevin W.- This was a very good topic to write about and you had a very interesting approach. Your ideal birthing system sounds very beneficial but if OBs have a different outlook on birth than I believe that would always cause a conflict between them. They should each study more on each others practices so they know who is needed and when. Many midwives have a good grasp on this but, as you said, most OBs look at pregnancy as another one of their medical procedures because they are not even required to look at a home birth. A question I would ask is if the lower maternal and infant mortality rate provided by midwives is due to the small amount of midwife attended births in this country (9%). I know that in other industrialized countries this isn't a case, but the population of these other countries are also generally healthier due to their better health care regimens.
Christopher R.- The main idea of your post seemed to be finding out what a woman with kids thought about birth. But at the same time you introduced it as a decision of whether or not your mother should have another kid. The only thing that is confusing about this is you say your mom knows a lot of information so I find it confusing how you would go about informing her more. Maybe I'm just lost. Also I'm confused about parts 2-4. But anyway I think all these projects are useful pieces of information but at the same time I like that you mother was more informed about birth then "common people". For whatever reason I thought people who gave birth wouldn't know as much as I did but 9 months of thinking gives more information then a month of what we did. I think this project matters because the video was actually very entertaining. Most birth stories are, they are rarely talked about and usually great stories.
Christopher M.- I really likes your project because it was different from the rest of the students in the class. You were planning out a procedure to follow so when your mother decided to have another kid everything would be natural and the best for your mother.
I really valued your overall goal that you wanted to achieve in your project because you were applying what you learned from class,the movie, and the book to help out someone out in your family that you care for.
The reason your project mattered to me was because it was different the fact that you had a video that people could watch to see the work that you did for your project.
Brianna M. (protege) - I liked the fact that you pushed birthing centers as apposed to hospitals. Hearing it argued in favor of birthing centers helped open my eyes to the other side of the argument. I also liked the video aspect of the entry. I think you could have made it more clear what influence the stories from the book had on your opinion.
Sophia S.- You interviewed your mother about your birth, and then gave her information about birth that we learned in class. I liked that you acknowledged that you had a biased opinion going into the project - people don't always realize or admit to this. You project matters because you brought up the idea of birthing centers, which hasn't really been discussed. The only advice I would give is to make it more clear what the intention of the project is.
Marcus B.(mentor)- I thought your post was great. I like the fact that you did so much research on different methods of childbirth. However, I have to agree with your mother, when it comes to going through the birthing process, experience does help with narrowing down the options. Although one might do sufficient research, you probably won't know what works for you until (at least) the second time around.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Comments Given:
Rossi C. - I believe the most effective way to learn is through experiences so it was smart of you to go out of your way and converse with these nurses for a real honest outlook on this medical system. The voices of the nurses are very un-sung so it was nice to see their perspective. Based on these answers it seems that a nurse's main objective is to be protective; either of the women and newborns, the doctors, or the hospitals. These nurses seemed to be very informed about their area of interest and are definitely aware of what goes on behind the scenes. I'm glad that they are there and hopefully they keep the obstetricians they work with very grounded.
Brandon Z.- I'd like to thank you for doing a project about this particular aspect of birth because I believe I've received the least amount of information about it in this unit. I understand that every woman's experience is different (so these mother's pregnancy effects will most likely be to mine sometime in the future) but it is always beneficial to get as much insight as I can about the topic.
These three women all seemed to share similar experiences (so I'd have some idea what to expect). But, the most interesting commonality between these answers by far is how all three of these women felt like the experience of pregnancy was beautiful and worth it. They considered it a pivotal moment in their lives and it is nice to know that no matter how much you struggle or suffer during your pregnancy, having a healthy child makes up for it all.
Kevin W.- This was a very good topic to write about and you had a very interesting approach. Your ideal birthing system sounds very beneficial but if OBs have a different outlook on birth than I believe that would always cause a conflict between them. They should each study more on each others practices so they know who is needed and when. Many midwives have a good grasp on this but, as you said, most OBs look at pregnancy as another one of their medical procedures because they are not even required to look at a home birth. A question I would ask is if the lower maternal and infant mortality rate provided by midwives is due to the small amount of midwife attended births in this country (9%). I know that in other industrialized countries this isn't a case, but the population of these other countries are also generally healthier due to their better health care regimens.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
HW 42 - Pregnancy & birth culminating project
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
the rest of the film goes on in a second discussion with my mother. I start off by giving her a list of local midwives and birthing centers in our area. Then I go on by telling her their services and practices. I read her exerts of my book (born in the usa) but she eventually let me know that she knew a lot of this information already. She wasn't completely against the medical model or the idea of going back to that environment but in conclusion, she assured me that she would highly consider going to a birthing center (which is what I was trying to convince her of).
Reflection- When I went into this project, I had a very biased opinion of what was the "right" way to give birth. I came into this discussion expecting to convince my mother of what I believed because I had so much information about it but she was very informed herself, and on top of that, she was way more experienced. She knew what it was like to be in a hospital and give birth and she didn't experience any of the horror stories that I had read about in Born in the USA by Marsden Wagner. In fact, it sounded as if she had very good and informed obstetricians, one of whom very much encouraged the natural birthing process (by asking her to squat, refusing to give her any drugs, and being against unnecessary C-sections). Doctors may not be as coddling as Midwives, but they are precise and get straight to the point which is something my mother may have needed. Based on the information I provided her about birthing centers (which you could obviously tell I was trying to push), she said that she would definitely consider that option, but now knowing a little more about her OB-GYN, I wouldn't be as worried for her and my future possible sibling if she took up her services again.
the rest of the film goes on in a second discussion with my mother. I start off by giving her a list of local midwives and birthing centers in our area. Then I go on by telling her their services and practices. I read her exerts of my book (born in the usa) but she eventually let me know that she knew a lot of this information already. She wasn't completely against the medical model or the idea of going back to that environment but in conclusion, she assured me that she would highly consider going to a birthing center (which is what I was trying to convince her of).
Reflection- When I went into this project, I had a very biased opinion of what was the "right" way to give birth. I came into this discussion expecting to convince my mother of what I believed because I had so much information about it but she was very informed herself, and on top of that, she was way more experienced. She knew what it was like to be in a hospital and give birth and she didn't experience any of the horror stories that I had read about in Born in the USA by Marsden Wagner. In fact, it sounded as if she had very good and informed obstetricians, one of whom very much encouraged the natural birthing process (by asking her to squat, refusing to give her any drugs, and being against unnecessary C-sections). Doctors may not be as coddling as Midwives, but they are precise and get straight to the point which is something my mother may have needed. Based on the information I provided her about birthing centers (which you could obviously tell I was trying to push), she said that she would definitely consider that option, but now knowing a little more about her OB-GYN, I wouldn't be as worried for her and my future possible sibling if she took up her services again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)